You Don't Even Know-Conscientious Exchange

Tick Tock -I feel the minutes pass slow-Seconds gone already though; has it already been an hour? Yeah, looks like it has...Shoot you don't even know, but that's probably cause I'd never tell you, well-not straight away anyways cause I gotta make you work for the answers, but I guess that's just how I've always been...but even if I do say somethin' would you ever know? So much to say in so little time, but it is not Time that I attribute to all the things I keep locked inside~ "Closed-off" is what someone described me as today- pleasant to be around, but is that because I don't really open my mouth? Hah, I know that can't be it because I open my mouth plenty- this I'm sure of it, but it's not like her description of me was wrong- in fact I totally agree, it's a problem I have - lettin' people see the real me. Trained. Trained to do so, but cultivated too- I guess I'm cautious about who I let in and who I let see the Truth. Acquaintances that move past friendships I feel are those special people that climb pass my walls to come and save me, but they should realize even then- there's still somethin' I keep hidden just in case- fear in case they come to hate me. Silly I know- but you may not understand- its taken years already to get to the point of where I am...not broken I guess would be an 'okay' way to describe it...I mean growin' up you hear things. People talk- and those that are supposed to shelter you from certain instances- well they don't. And its not like I blame anyone I guess- cause I just don't do that, but life is never been easy (and I don't expect it to be). God is who saves me. Goodness, without Him, I know I'd be crazy (and I mean the bad kind- not the good kind that I am now) so thank You Jesus for always blessin' me when I know I'm not worthy, but Father God regardless I thank You that you died for me. For those that read, I really can't help but always Praise Him, cause what I've known-and where I've come from... well let's just put it this way: God is the only thing that makes me cry now because of how good He is, and how bad I can be-and maybe possibly am, and He's probably the only One that makes me feel Free.... Still though, in all honesty- I am not the 'good' person a lot of people make me out to be- at least I don't think so and I know there are plenty of people that'll argue with me, but hey that's okay everyone's entitled to their own opinions...just still...I believe in the end, aside from God- I'm the only one who knows the real me. But then again, who's fault is that really?